With the arrival of drugs like Viagra and Cialis, designed to treat erectile dysfunction (read erectile collapse), men stampeded to their doctor's offices.
These medications are oftentimes effective, generally well tolerated and a far cry better than previous ones which tended to be gothic
(anyone for a round of intra-penile injections?) in nature.
But not everyone was a candidate for medicines.
I remember an illustrative case, a mid thirties man, who typically had six orgasms in a night of love making with his partner. Recently, he fell off to four orgasms and feared he was in decline,perhaps on the cusp of old age. All the same, his erections were steadfast and they never took a powder.
This man was not a candidate for medications because he did not have, by any stretch of the imagination, erectile dysfunction. What he really needed was a cold shower and reassurance.
Another grouping of men (thirties and up) seemed to redefine their idea of good sexual health based on the extravagant promises of drug company advertisements. In this pharmaceutical world there is little tolerance for normal (perhaps the man is sleep deprived or loaded with alcohol) lapses in erections, and climaxing seems to be all but guaranteed. The sense of inadequacy that the ads create in men, who functioned normally most of the time, ise powerful.
Some of these men were then keen to begin medications immediately, hoping I could be persuaded to skip the performance anxiety lecture, along with a recommendation that they purchase a copy of the Kama Sutra as soon as possible.
These individuals seemed to see their sexuality through a narrower lens, where sex was strictly defined as penetration with orgasm. In their view the major goal was getting the ball, as it were, into the end zone, running up the score whenever possible. After reassurance, many men abandoned their search for medications.
The remaining men were similarly anxious about their sexuality. They tended to engage more, however, in hugging, kissing, massaging, touching and oral sex, giving them a much broader view of love-making.
They were told that these expressions were normal and healthy and they were encouraged to collaborate with their partners in creating, with or without penetration, creative forms of climaxing of their own invention. For a number of these individuals the playfulness and openness of this approach trumped medicines which became a second line of defense.
So while ED drugs are valuable for many men, many others are actually sexually intact and should not be bullied by the drug companies into thinking otherwise.
Medicines have their place; so does a loving embrace.
